Don't Try to Reason = When Upset :: Love and Logic Institute, Inc.

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Love and Logic Institute,=20 Inc.

Helping Raise Responsible = Kids Since=20 = 1977=E2=84=A2

Reason=20 Only with the = Reasonable

Dear ,

Are you reasonable when you're = upset? Most=20 of us find that we can be fair and = reasonable just=20 about any other time EXCEPT when we are = angry,=20 hurt, or frustrated. At that point, our=20 biochemistry puts us into survival mode = where all=20 we can think about is fighting or = fleeing.

Have you ever been upset and said = to=20 someone, "I better stop before I say = something I=20 don't mean?" We instinctively know that we = get=20 foolish when we get angry. So why do we = choose to=20 have so many conversations about important = things=20 when one or more of the other parties are = drunk on=20 emotion?

As a foster parent, Candace lived = in fear=20 that she would one day lose her cool and = say=20 something unkind to one of her foster = kids.=20 Thankfully, she worked on this skill = often.

Some people find that they have = better luck=20 deferring intense conversations when they=20 practice their way out in = advance. If, before the confrontation, we = repeat=20 in our minds (or out loud if nobody's = watching):=20 "I have better discussions when everybody = is calm.=20 I'll be happy to discuss this later.=20 Thanks."

Of course, it's wise to choose = words that=20 best suit our personality and that flow = with=20 maximum ease and sincerity. The key is to = know our=20 "escape route" in advance and using it if=20 either party gets too upset to = use the=20 "smart" part (cortex) of their = brains.

Candace became fond of "Respect you = too=20 much to fight with you" when her = drama-addicted=20 foster daughter tried to engage her in = arguments.=20 Even with "doozies" like "I hate it here!" = and=20 "You're mean!" after about three attempts, = the=20 frustrated teenager would usually march = away in a=20 huff, eager to find somebody else to argue = with.

Later, when both were calm and = doing their=20 best thinking, apologies, forgiveness, and = laughter flowed.

It is amazing how much smarter=20 other people can get with = the=20 passage of time. Some even find that their = OWN=20 parents get smarter if enough years = pass.

Thanks for reading! Our goal is to = help as=20 many families as possible. If this is a = benefit,=20 forward this = article to a=20 friend.

Jedd Hafer*

* We hope you enjoyed this week's = article=20 written by our newest speaker, Jedd Hafer. = Visit this page = to learn=20 more about Jedd and watch his video for = some=20 laughs.

For helpful = tips, special=20 promotions, and event announcements, = follow Love=20 and Logic^=C2=AE=20 on Twitter and = become a fan=20 on Facebook.

If we have = misspelled=20 your name, or if this isn't you, please = click=20 here to = correct.

=C2=A92011 Love and=20 Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright = infringement=20 laws apply. Permission granted for = photocopy=20 reproduction and forwarding. Please do not = alter=20 or modify contents. For more information, = call the=20 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at (800)=20 338-4065.=20 =

Teachers and=20 Parents

See the author of this week's = article,=20 Jedd = Hafer=20 in Atlanta on Tuesday, = 3/8. Register=20 online or call 800-338-4065 = for more=20 information.

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Keeping = Cool When=20 Parenting Heats Up
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Administrators, = Principals,=20 Counselors How to Create = and Maintain=20 a Love and Logic^=C2=AE = School
School-wide=20 Discipline Without the Loopholes
February = 17-19,=20 2011
Presented by Jim Fay, Dr. Betsy = Geddes,
Dr.=20 Charles Fay
Call us at = 800-338-4065 or=20 visit this=20 = page.

"Funny Parenting Stories" and "Funny Stories from the = Classroom":

amusing audios available for your listening pleasure, = compliments of Love and = Logic^=C2=AE

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Visit this page to download and=20 enjoy.

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