By Sybil Humphries
"No gift is too costly (or too hard to obtain) for a parent to give his
child."
No parent would choose to give his or her child an inferior gift, or a gift
that would be harmful in any way. The gift of a good education is a most
valuable one. What can parents do to contribute their part to this gift? The
teachers (school) have one very important part. The child has a very
important part. Parents have an equally important part. Without the parent's
part, the education will not measure up.
In short, parents have homework. The home is where it all begins. Parents are
the head of the home. The head of the home provides, teaches, reinforces, and
enforces. If the head of the home does not fulfill its obligations, no other
agency can fill in the gap. The child carries with him/her everything that is
absorbed in the home. First of all, parents must supply the basic needs of
the infant, including food, shelter, clothing, love, and security. By the
time the child has reached school age, parents have done lots and lots
of "homework." However, the assignment is just beginning.
When the child begins school, the parent's role takes on a new dimension,
that of enhancing the "formal education." That is, the education that is
provided by the school. A parent's role in the education of his child has
many dimensions. A parent's "homework" carries with it many responsibilities.
These responsibilities include keeping the proper attitude toward education
and school, supporting/helping your child, setting healthy priorities,
consistency in discipline, rewards and consequences, open communication,
helping with work missed during sickness, being active in school matters, and
controlling your child's school attendance.
Attitude. It begins with attitude. If you have a positive attitude toward
school in general, your child will also have a positive attitude. If you have
concerns about the school or the teacher, be very careful how you voice these
concerns in front of your child. Your child will pick up on your attitude,
adopt it as his or her own, and take it to school. Negative and apathetic
attitudes are at the root of a large portion of discipline problems at school.
Support. Your child cannot go it alone. When he or she has a particular
assignment that may require special help or supplies, you are the one s/he
turns to for help. Be there with all the support and help possible. There may
come a time when your child will need extra help on schoolwork. If you cannot
provide this help, speak to your child's teacher about it. There may be some
remedial materials, or the teacher may be able to help you and your child
work through the problem. You may consider outside help, such as a tutor.
Arranging the schedule in the home to accommodate quality "homework"
time/place is one aspect of support. Your child will need to feel secure in
the fact that you will be there helping.
Priorities. In order for education to come out on top, it must be given top
priority. This must be a true commitment in light of the many interesting and
beneficial activities that are available for the youngsters. These include
sports, scouts, music/dance lessons, and other activities. Too many
activities will bring down the educational level of your child. This should
be closely monitored during the school year.
Consistency. Whatever your methods of discipline, consequences, and household
management, consistency is the key. When you promise a consequence, follow
through. Be firm. Try not to be influenced by your child's persuasive
tactics. Children consistently test authority. Be prepared to follow through
each time. Results, while not always immediate, will be forthcoming. Children
are just that - children. Although they are learning to accept some
responsibility, they are not yet adults, and should not be treated as such.
This is their time in life to learn things like consistency and priorities,
and it is your "homework" to instill these qualities in your child. Children
need to know that their poor choices create consequences.
Rewards and Consequences. Worthwhile rewards may help reinforce responsible
actions. However, rewards do not have to be in the form of costly material
gifts. Rewards may be in the form of time spent together, a special word of
praise, or a chance to skip a chore. Just let your child know how proud you
are of him/her. Consequences should fit the misbehavior as much as possible,
and should be done immediately, when possible. Try not to become emotional
when you discipline your child, and be sure to let the incident go. "Forgive
and forget." If you remain hostile toward your child after disciplining
him/her, you are distancing yourself from your child. Make sure you are
still "available" to your child.
Communication with your child. Talk with your child. Listen to your child.
Make casual comments about what he/she is saying to show that you are
listening. Do not "put words" in his/her mouth about what went on in class.
If your child has an unpleasant story to tell you, do not make it worse for
him/her by becoming visibly upset. This will only upset the child even more.
Let your child tell the story in his or her own way, in his or her own time.
If you resort to an "interrogation", you will likely get the story from a
biased point of view. If the problem persists, call or write the teacher.
Communication with your child's teacher. Keep the lines of communication
open. Check your child's agenda daily. This is the teacher's best method of
communicating with you. Always go to the teacher with any problems before
going to the principal. You and the teacher are on the same side - the side
of your child. The teacher wants your child to succeed. Make a friend of the
teacher.
Missed Work. If your child is absent due to an illness, he or she may need
extra attention from you in order to get caught up on assignments missed.
Your child most likely has a given number of days to get the work done and
turned in. If the illness is prolonged, you may call the school for
assignments, but be sure to make every effort to see that the work is
actually done. This extra effort on the part of your child's teachers is very
time consuming, and the time is taken from their planning or from their
classes. This practice is one that is encouraged if you plan to see that your
child does the work. If you have an occasion in which your child cannot
complete a daily assignment because of a family emergency, write a note to
the teacher asking for a one day extension. It is likely that your child will
have consequences at school for missing work. "Homework" for the parents is
to instill the importance of school assignments in your children.
Be involved. Show your child that you want to be involved in his or her
school. Whenever you get notification of a school meeting, or a school need,
show that you are interested. Participate in various activities at school. If
there is a school event, show up with your child.
Child's Attendance. You, as the parent have the power to control your child's
attendance, including being on time. Poor attendance and tardiness directly
affect a child's school success in numerous ways, emotionally as well as
scholastically. Please understand that signing out is the same as being
absent. Your child will miss vital instruction. Instruction continues up
until dismissal. When you sign your child out unnecessarily, you are telling
your child that school doesn't matter. Restrict sign outs to sickness of the
child, or a true family emergency. "Homework" for you as the parent is to
keep your child in school.
Yes, parents have "homework". Your homework continues as long as you are
responsible for your child. Without your part, your child's school experience
will not be all that it can be. Together, let's prepare the "Gift" of
education for your child!
Copyright 1998 Sybil Humphries.
(Sybil Humphries has been employed as a South Carolina teacher for the past
29 years. She invites teachers and schools to distribute this handout freely
and asks that you notify her via e-mail.)