| The story of the month will highlight a different topic your student may be
dealing with personally. This month's topic is Female Aggresssion and
Bullying. The following story is called 'I Just Stood by and Let it Happen.'
Please share this story with your children, it may be a good
conversation starter. Feel free to contact me if you feel your child may
need help with a similar situation.
I Just Stood By and Let It Happen
I am writing this because it is true. The story that follows happened when I
was in the 5th grade. I hope this story reminds kids that words hurt.
Whoever said "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt
me" was probably never a kid in elementary or middle school! This is my
story...
I can’t say I was a bully by the popular definition: I never beat anyone up;
I never really verbally went all out on someone with curses and all. But I
know I’ve hurt people. I mastered the silent treatment. I’ve been a bully
through gossip and in doing so I’ve really damaged someone’s reputation and
hurt their feelings.
I was the bully in a group-a collective bully. I was a bully in the sense
that I would hang out with my louder friends when we all confronted someone
we didn’t like. I was a bully by association. I never really did the verbal
confrontation myself. I went with my friends and maybe added in a few words
or glared at the girl we were trying to explain why she was a horrible
friend (even though she didn’t do anything we weren’t guilty of ourselves).
I usually just stood by and let it happen to her, letting my louder friends
tear her to pieces with their words.
I remember there was this girl Erica who I was friends with. She wasn’t
exactly friends with my friends at school. I sat next to her in math class
and we learned to crack jokes. I even learned to enjoy sitting with her.
This girl Mary who I was friends with was cool. She didn’t like the fact
that I was talking to Erica, so she kept pestering me about my
relationship with her. Mary was like, “Erica is mean so why do you keep
talking to her?”
One day I was hanging out with Mary and we saw Erica on the playground. Mary
walked up to her and said that Erica gave her a dirty look in Social Studies
and she did not appreciate it. Erica just swallowed and as much as I just
wanted to stick up for her, I didn’t.
Everyone was watching.
Erica said, “I’m sorry.”
I was just so shocked. She hadn’t even done anything wrong and she was
apologizing to Mary. I know Mary made up the whole scenario just to put me
in a weird position and to hurt Erica's feelings or scare her. Mary was
mean. Yet, I knew I hurt Erica too. We never talked again.
I was a bully by association. A bully of the masses. I know I’m not like
that anymore and considering the fact that I have been bullied by other
girls, I don’t like really thinking about the fact that I’ve been on the
wrong side. This is actually the first time I am mentioning it. Maybe I can
help by telling this story. Maybe I won’t. At least I’m being honest.
-Anonymous, Age 16
Based on a story in Odd Girl Speaks Out by Rachel Simmons
Parents: Copy and paste the link below into your browser to read more about
female aggression and bullying. This website will give you more information
as well as tips on how to talk to your daughter about it:
http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_2002/tows_past_20020424_b.jhtml
For further information the following books are suggested:
* Odd Girl Out by Rachel Simmons
* Odd Girl Speaks Out by Rachel Simmons
* Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip,
Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence by Rosalind Wiseman
* Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls by Mary Pipher and
Ruth Ross
This book is great to read with your child and discuss:
My Secret Bully by Trudy Ludwig
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