What is Family About?
It's about doing things together.
It's about simple gestures from the heart.
It's about making the most of the limited time you have.
It's about creating celebrations that are meaningful for all.
It's about new traditions that your children will treasure.
It's about continuing your efforts to bring your family closer...
even with teenagers who don't seem to care, or loved ones who live far away.
It's about realizing how easy it really is.
7 Keys to Creating Family Ties
Key #1: Creating a sense of belonging
Families who make family a priority, create a sense of belonging. They plan
time for family activities and events, and respect that time. Family members
are expected to participate and made to feel they are an important part of
the family unit.
Key #2: Showing love and appreciation
Families show love and appreciation for each other, in many ways. They learn
to be comfortable communicating their affection and giving each other "gifts
of love" often. No one, no matter how old they are, ever grows out of the
need to feel loved and appreciated.
Key #3: Stay close to family and friends
Families stay close to family and friends that live far away. They don't let
distance and time erode their bonds. They find ways to stay connected and
enrich their relationships. They will make sacrifices, like driving through
snowstorms, to get together and support each other, especially in hard times.
Key #4: Creating a strong sense of family identity, rich in tradition
The rituals and traditions families create, and pass on, help them feel
unique as a family and connected to each other. The sillier, and more
unusual, the better. "This is who we are... this is how we do things... this
is how we celebrate birthdays, the Fourth of July, Mother's Day, etc.
Key #5: Developing a family history
Families develop their history through stories, keepsakes, etc. They are
interested in their heritage and often create family trees, interview older
family members, and treasure keepsakes from distant relatives. They keep
journals and write down the wonderful "family stories" that get passed down
through the generations.
Key #6: Honor and respect family values
Families honor and respect a set of family values. They know what those
family values are, talk about them often, and help each other make important
decisions with those values in mind. Many of their family traditions revolve
around the values they want to teach their children.
Key #7: Celebrating life together...often
Families get together with family and friends and find reasons to celebrate
life every month. They all participate and help in the planning and
preparation. They enjoy each other's company and make every event a
celebration.
5 Realities of Family Life
Reality #1: Families come in all shapes and sizes
Some of us are lucky enough to be born into a big extended family, rich in
history and tradition. Most of us are not. And we often watch these families
with envy, wishing we had one like that. We also think, sometimes, that we
can't have it because we are single, divorced, without children, or because
we live too far from our "real" family. You don't have to be the perfect
traditional family to feel like a family. There are single parent families,
and spread-across-the-country families who are very close, and traditional
families that are totally disconnected. It's not about "who" your family is,
it's about "what" you do together.
Reality #2: We can plan for & create the kind of family life we want
You don't have to drift along, hoping it will happen. There are many things
you can do to steer your family in the right direction. Some people think you
can't force "these things", and they are right. You can't force it. But you
can plant the seeds, add a little fertilizer and nurture it along. It is
definitely possible to plan for and create the kind of family you want. You
just have to understand how it works and be flexible. It's simply a matter of
knowing what's worth spending time and money on and what's not.
Reality #3: We already know what to do
Most of us have an instinctive sense about what it takes to create family
ties. We all take photos. We save the worn-out stuffed bear, the school
papers, and the baby teeth. We plan lots of family get-togethers, and we try
hard to make our loved ones feel special. No one tells us to do these things.
We simply do them because we know in our hearts how important they are. The
problem is that our modern, hectic lifestyles don't leave us the time to
organize these memories and keepsakes in the powerful ways that can bring our
families closer. And we are often misled by marketing and advertising. We
spend time and money doing things that are not really important and often
miss the opportunity to do the little things that make all the difference.
Reality #4: It's easier than we think
What we remember most fondly from our childhood days are not the lavish
birthday parties or the expensive gifts, but the simple family events that
are repeated over and over again... good smells... good feelings... good
times... someone special spending time with us. The beauty of it is, it's
less work for us. We don't have to come up with new and different things to
do or things to eat, every time we get together. We can plan the same
activities, use the same decorations, and prepare the same food as we did
last year for every holiday throughout the year. It's what our family really
wants.
Reality #5: It's never too late to get started
It's never too late to get started building family ties, even if your
children are already grownup. Creating family ties is an ongoing, forever
evolving process. There is no beginning and no end. We just keep making it
better. You can easily start with your grown-up children, your grandchildren,
or your nieces and nephews. We never stop needing that human connection.
Establishing family traditions and strengthening family ties, with anyone, at
any age, is a wonderful gift to give.