ADHD and the Holiday Season
Contributed by: Everyday Health @ www.everydayhealth.com
The holiday season can be a stressful time for almost anyone. Adults
especially find there is lots of preparation that needs to be taken care of,
including getting ready for having family and friends over to celebrate with you.
It is not just adults who find the season stressful. It can also be hard for
your child too. It is a time of great excitement for them. They have lots of
free time and may spend time vying for your attention as you are busy dealing
with other things, such as relatives and cooking. If your child has ADHD it
can be even trickier, and a time that should be filled with joy can turn into
an unnecessary strain for you.
There are of course a few ways you can deal with trying to keep the chaos to
the minimum, so you and your relatives can have a lovely relaxing holiday.
All children need some sort of routine in their lives and this is even more
true for those with ADHD. It is important that while your child is not
attending school they should given some sort of routine to stick to. This will
not only help you when it comes to organization of activities, but it is also
beneficial for your child.
Activities are essential as you don't want your child to get bored. It's
important to bear in mind that you don't have to plan really extravagant
things, just something like a painting hour will work well. If you child is
kept busy and always has something to look forward to, their moods will be on
a much more even keel.
Just because it is the holiday season, it doesn't mean you can slacken off on
the food front. You should still try and keep up with the good diet that your
child has during school weeks. Sticking to three meals a day and avoiding too
much junk food will make a difference to maintaining calm.
It may seem obvious but some parents may think that a holiday from school
means their child can take a break from their medication. This couldn't be
more wrong. You child still needs to have something to control their
hyperactivity and also to improve their concentration, if proscribed
medication is part of this it shouldn't be forgotten.
At a time when you will be visiting friends or relatives or receiving them at
your home, it would be helpful if your child's behavior was under control.
Relatives, in particular, can find it hard to deal with ADHD if they do not
know anyone suffering from the condition themselves. As ADHD is a relatively
new condition in it's diagnosis, older relatives may not know anything about
it. As they become accustomed to your child's behavior, there are various
thing your child can do to make it easier for the relative.
One way of doing this would be having some sort of reward system. Set out some
rules and regulations that your child has to follow when around relatives. If
they succeed in fulfilling their tasks, then they should receive rewards. This
gives children something to focus on and to work towards.
Every family deals with ADHD in different ways and during the holiday season
it may take a bit of trial and error to find a routine that works for you. As
you holiday season could well be ruined by stress and anxiety if you don't
create some sort of structure, the key is to ensure you have a plan. Happy
Holidays!
For any further help and information, please speak to your doctor about
finding an ADHD support group.
Disclaimer - ADDA-SR does not endorse, vouch for or accept any responsibility
for the materials or treatments advertised in this page. The ADDA-SR board
strongly recommends that you consult trusted and known professionals of your
choice prior to implementing any treatment or initiating any therapies
suggested in this page.
Tips for Parents
BE FIRM, CONSISTENT, AND KIND -- Remember the power of praise and reward. Use
a positive attitude and not a punitive one in dealing with your child.
Establish clear ground rules when the child is young and keep those rules with
appropriate amendments. As the child matures and improves in judgment, give
him more leeway. There is no "Operating Manual" for rearing your child, but
one rule to heed--NEVER, NEVER put the child down. Do not degrade the
child--MAINTAIN self esteem at all cost.
LISTEN -- Listen actively to your child. This sets a good example and helps
the child feel important and valued. Remember, if you do not want your child
to tune you out, do not tune the child out.
DO NOT HAGGLE OR NEGOTIATE OVER SMALL THINGS -- Make a clear decision.
Right or wrong, it is better than haggling. Decision making is a chore for
youngsters with ADD. Encourage him to make a decision, but be patient with him
as he tries to think it through . If he makes a decision accept it. If he
hesitates and shows indecision, only then make the decision for him. Build
mutual respect as each learns to make choices and understand the consequences.
GIVE CHILD CHORES -- Keep the chore appropriate and keep clear guidelines
as to who will do what and when. Select one or two chores and be prepared that
it will also take your time. Goodwill and many calm reminders may be necessary
to get those chores done. Parents who share duties and chores with their child
help to build self-discipline and a sense of responsibility.
HELP THE CHILD REMEMBER -- Many children with ADD are distractible and
forgetful. Keep a short list of tasks. A list is impersonal, and the child
will gain satisfaction as he checks off those tasks that he completes. Use
picture cues, a prominently placed calendar, or environmental reminders (i.e.
after supper feed the dog; when sister brings the dishes-you load the
dishwasher). These techniques are memory boosters.
BE PREPARED TO ACCEPT THE ABSENT MINDEDNESS OF MOST CHILDREN WITH ADD --
Often children do not process multiple requests quickly or accurately. Before
making a request, it helps if parents first make sure they have their child's
attention. Watch to see where the child lays the kitchen shears, the saw, the
hammer, etc. Check later to see if the item has been put away, if not, give a
calm reminder to put it in its proper place. Most importantly, allow the child
only that which he can manage. Too many toys, tools, clothes, shoes, etc. are
distracting and cannot be managed comfortably. Provide things only as they are
needed, and teach that everything has a time and place for its return.
STRETCH THE ATTENTION SPAN -- Rewarding non-hyperactive behavior is the key
to preparing these children with ADD for school. The child can be shown
pictures in a book and be rewarded. Games of increasing difficulty can be
taught. As an example, start with building blocks and progressing eventually
to dominoes, card games and dice games etc. Matching pictures is an excellent
way to build a child's memory and concentration skills.
AVOID A POWER STRUGGLE OVER REPEATED DIRECTIONS Give a command one to three
times as needed but say it each time as though it was the first. Speak clearly
and slowly, use a gentle touch, make good eye contact, and keep an encouraging
expression. After the parent has stated his wish in a simple, clear command,
the child can be asked to repeat what was said. As soon as the child does what
was asked, the parent should simply say, "Thank you, I appreciate your doing
what I asked." One of the most potent motivations is a verbal response
indicating your pride and acceptance of the child's efforts.
HELP YOUR CHILD ORGANIZE -- Many youngsters with ADD are erratic in their
approach to problem solving and present themselves as being very disorganized.
They may have great difficulty relating an event in its proper sequence. Keep
a calm, structured, and predictable home existence. Be firm and consistent
about routine chores and schedules for meals, homework, bedtime, etc. Routines
and schedules help your child accept order and become more predictable.
Minimize distractions and provide a place, a time and the tools for a task's
completion. Help him know where to begin, when to end and how to express who,
what, when, and where. Again, a calm, uncritical manner should be the rule.
DIFFICULTY WAITING -- Because of the child's impulsivity, fear of
forgetting, and/or being forgotten, he will speak and act out of turn. Give
him a turn!! Some interruptions may be allowed. If you have permitted some
lack of good manners, and provided warnings and cues to help him realize he
did interrupt, he may be disciplined by excluding him from the activity.
PREVENT PROBLEMS WHENEVER POSSIBLE -- Keep in mind that even children with
ADD do not intend to be defiant. They probably mean to do the right thing. It
is best to try to prevent problems rather than dealing with them after they
occur. Recognize that it may be more beneficial for your child to stay home
with a baby-sitter, than to stay in a crowded daycare facility or attend an
exciting wedding reception. The idea is to avoid situations that could be
embarrassing until he learns a measure of self-control. These stimulating
situations may be gradually introduced.
AVOID FATIGUE -- When children with ADD are tired, their self-control
breaks down. Rest, relaxation and regular routine are particularly needed for
this group of children.
PROVIDE OUTLETS FOR THE RELEASE OF EXCESS ENERGY -- Because their energy
should not be bottled up, these children need daily constructive and creative
activities that may include running, biking, swimming, sports, etc.; a fenced
yard helps. In bad weather, provide a recreation room where they can do as
they please without criticism for their noise or activity level. Children with
ADD are often creative. You may want to provide them with things like craft
supplies.
ACCEPT YOUR CHILD'S LIMITATIONS, RECOGNIZE STRENGTHS, AND HELP OTHERS DO THE
SAME -- Undue criticism or attempts to change the energetic youngster into
a "model" child, may cause more harm than good. Since many ADD behaviors are
not intentional, do not expect to completely eliminate them--just try to teach
reasonable control. Nothing is more helpful for the child with ADD than having
a tolerant low-key family who respects the child and allows the child to
respect himself.
IN MANY CASES, PARENTS SHOULD NOT TUTOR THEIR OWN CHILD -- It is helpful
for a youngster to have a family member read to him or discuss some ideas. An
attempt to teach phonics or math is usually unsuccessful. The child profits
more from showing what he has already mastered, than from the strained
relationship that may result from parental tutoring. Provide a study area and
a study person whenever possible.
PRAISE OR PUNISHMENT MUST BE IMMEDIATE -- The longer the interval between
the child's behavior and the time he gets feedback, the more opportunity there
is for him to skip to another event and fail to make the feedback relevant.
The cardinal rule is to focus on the behavior and not the child or the child's
self-esteem. Since these children can not handle many rules, the family needs
a few clear consistent ones. Punishment should be short in duration. An
occasional slap on the behind may be part of normal child rearing, but beyond
that it becomes ineffective and often creates more problems especially for the
child with ADD. These children need adult models exhibiting control and
calmness in order to decrease their own aggressive behavior. Avoid situations
that may encourage inappropriate behaviors.
APPROPRIATE BEHAVIORS SHOULD BE REWARDED BUT NOT BOUGHT -- Reward
appropriate behavior with such things as special time or privileges with
parents or another favorite person. If he gets up 15 minutes late, then he
should be required to go to bed 15 minutes early that night. The more tangible
rewards such as money, toys, and candy can be used as a starting place to get
the child's attention; they should soon be replaced by social and personal
rewards.
BE OBSERVANT - KEEP IN MIND WHAT WORKS - USE IT OVER AND OVER. -- Avoid
negative comments. Do not assume that the child understands what you want.
Make an effort to explain clearly what is expected so the child can comply.
"Put the clothes in the dryer and then you can watch TV, or the TV will be
turned off ." Define what a "clean room" is or what "Be good in the store"
means. The child with ADD can direct himself toward appropriate behavior if
someone helps him understand what is expected.
PERIODICALLY GET AWAY FROM IT ALL -- Parents must take time away from their
child often enough to recharge. Coping with some of these children for 24
hours a day can be very stressful. Families must get through the difficult
times without being torn apart. It is important to protect the basic
relationships in your family. Learn to maintain a balanced point of view.
Separate the essential issues from the non-essential ones. Be as calm as
possible, do not over-react, keep your eye on the future and most importantly,
get every ounce of energy from your sense of humor.
Information taken from a handout by Dan Steinfink, M.D. and Harvey Oshman Ph.D.